Disclaimer

    For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of a hitchhiker’s guide, or who do not understand sarcasm, the primary purpose of this website is humor or parody. While the information here can and should be informative, it should also be taken with a rather large grain of salt.

    Should you find anything in The Guide that you disagree with or in fact know to be false, please do remember the golden rule first laid out in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

Democrats and losing go together like Joe Biden and gaffes

Entry Name: Democrats and Losing

United States Presidential Candidate Joe Biden’s latest controversy illustrates a trend within the democratic party in the United States. In case you awoke this morning from a long hibernation in a cave in the far reaches of the galaxy and were not aware of Uncle Joe’s latest gaffe, the former Vice-President said that if African-Americans were still considering voting for Donald Trump, they “ain’t black.”

Biden’s assertion and the way he chose to assert it angered a significant portion of the black community and illustrates a political reality that perpetuates democratic politics.

That reality is that no matter how good it looks for a democratic candidate or how immensely horrible the alternative may be, democrats will always find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

The great Earth philosopher Aaron Sorkin once aptly said it through one of his characters, “If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so goddamn always.”

While the answer to why this is the case will remain a mystery, the bad luck of liberals in America is well noted and well exploited by their adversaries.

Democrats have to try hard to win elections. Despite the fact that they tend to always run former senators with long lists of qualifications for president, their track record for winning those elections is abysmal.

Republicans, for some reason, do not have to try as hard.

From the start of their party — right out of the hatch the republicans — managed to elect a man with a largely failed political career who was born in a log cabin in Illinois. In the years since, the republicans have managed to elect 18 presidents including an actor, a reality TV star, a literal tub of lard, a journalist, the man who brought about the Great Depression, and the only president so corrupt he was forced to resign from office.

The democrats by contrast have elected 10 presidents since Abraham Lincoln. One can’t fault President Donald Trump from his constant assertion that the party as a whole is made up of “losers” as it has become quite adept at losing over the years.

Trump, by contrast promises so much winning that all citizens of the United States would get bored with so much winning. Perhaps this boredom with Trump’s brand of winning could manage to sweep Biden into office despite his latest political gaffe, but it is more likely that long after this gaffe is forgotten another will take its place and Biden will blow the 2020 election in a similar way to the way The Atlanta Falcons blew the 51st installment of The Super Bowl.

While losing is a certainty, Biden will no-doubt win the popular vote due to an odd quirk of the United States constitution whereby some votes count more than other votes, and democrats will claim to have won and demand that the Electoral College lose its accreditation.

The Electoral College will, in turn, moon the democrats and return to its 245-year kegger. Joe Biden will join them because a centuries-long kegger is an environment much more suited for him than the hallowed halls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.


Get Updates By Email:

Comments

So empty here ... leave a comment!

Leave a Reply

Sidebar



%d bloggers like this: