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    Disclaimer

    For those who are unfamiliar with the concept of a hitchhiker’s guide, or who do not understand sarcasm, the primary purpose of this website is humor or parody. While the information here can and should be informative, it should also be taken with a rather large grain of salt.

    Should you find anything in The Guide that you disagree with or in fact know to be false, please do remember the golden rule first laid out in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

Fox News: Changing your definition of reality

Volumes have been written in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy and The Encyclopedia Galactica about a media outlet on a tiny blue planet on the outskirts of the Milky Way galaxy named after a woodland animal.

In fact, the University of Alpha Andromedae, which exists for the sole purpose of training government bureaucrats and sewing discord throughout the galaxy has devoted entire semesters of classes to understanding the art of factual manipulation and propagandizing pilfered by the network.

However, for the purposes of this guide, the volumes written on Fox News will be condensed to just one entry. This again is due to the limited capacity of the Earth-mind to comprehend what further evolved civilizations realized long ago.

Fair and Balanced

When Fox News first burst onto the scene of cable television in the late 1990s, it made but one claim. It was “fair and balanced” unlike its rival, CNN, which had been dubbed by a Vogon radio host “The Clinton News Network.”

Executives at Fox rightly believed that if they simply repeated the phrase “Fair and Balanced” over and over and over and over again, and flashed shiny graphics on the screen proclaiming themselves to be “Fair and Balanced” their audience — which largely consisted of people bored after their favorite soap operas had gone off the air — would believe them to be the world’s most definitively fair and balanced source of all their news needs.

In a relatively short time, this media organization had managed to convince its loyal subjects that not only was it not part of the media, but that it was — while not being media — the only news source they could trust.

Having earned (or bludgeoned) their trust, the network then set out on a campaign against education, science, and reality, conditioning its subjects to believe that learning was for pansies, science was a conspiracy, and reality should be denied and ignored in favor of conspiracy theories.

As of the writing of this edition of The Guide, Fox has so muddied the waters of reality, that its subject must now believe that a global pandemic was not real, but became real, but then was a global conspiracy by the Chinese, Anthony Fauci and Bill Gates to kill millions of people, but it won’t kill millions of people because it isn’t real, except that it is real and we should all be terrified, but the government must needs reopen because it isn’t at all that serious, and once it does reopen people will die, but that is OK because it is good for the economy, but people won’t die because it isn’t that serious and is probably all just fake news created by the Deep State.

Incidentally, sales at liquor stores have increased dramatically since the arrival of Fox News.


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